awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you win again, gameday.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
