I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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