I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
