the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Actions speak louder than pants.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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