she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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