tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
