Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
