Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
