matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
