sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
