Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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