Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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