Where is the hickey?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize