so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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