i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
