Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
