just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We're too hungover to prance.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
