i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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