smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
