Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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