I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
