can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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