I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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