Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
