he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
