I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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