I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
