How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
