yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
