just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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