I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
