Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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