I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
