If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
