for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
