my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
