my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He called his prostate his "boner button".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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