tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
