I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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