last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
