I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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