I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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