our cab driver is having phone sex.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
