I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
