he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
