Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just puked most of my soul out..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
