So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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