She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Who died my cat blue again?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
