well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
