things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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