things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
