Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
