A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
