Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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