Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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