If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm way too hungover for life right now
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
