Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
