Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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