you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
