Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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