nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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