I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
