ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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