sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
