Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
