I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
