So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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