it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
