I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
