Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
