you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
