I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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